For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7). Don’t get to other people when you are full of fear and anxiety. Instead, you back off. You fear being rejected, manipulated, vulnerable, hurt or used, and these fears cause you to disconnect from the people around you. This fear is as old as humanity. When Adam and Eve sinned, God came looking for them. Then Adam said, “I was afraid, and I hid myself.” (Gen 3: 10). People have been hiding ever since. You may not physically hide, but you hide your true self. You don’t let people know what you are really like. You don’t let them see inside you. Why? Because you believe that if you show people your true self and they don’t like it, you will be up a creek without a paddle. Instead, you pretend to be someone you are not. This fear leads to three things that will damage your relationships.
1. Fear makes you defensive.
You are afraid to reveal yourself, but people will inevitably spot some of your weaknesses. Due to that, you defend yourself and retaliate.
2. Fear keeps you distant.
You are afraid to be open and honest to let people get close to you. Instead, you withdraw and pull back so you can hide your emotions. You become defensive and distant.
3. Fear makes you appear demanding.
The more insecure you are, the more you try to control and dominate. For you, it might look like you always have to get in the last word in a conversation. Being demanding is always a symptom of fear and insecurity. Fear only damages your relationships. But where do you get the courage to take the first step to connect with someone and move toward deeper intimacy? You get it from God’s Spirit in your life.
How do you know you are filled with God’s Spirit? You are filled with God’s Spirit when you have become more courageous in your relationships. Rather than fearing people, you can love and enjoy being with them. The Bible says that “God is love” (1 Jn 4: 8) and that “perfect love drives out all fear”. The more of God you have in your life, the less fear you will have. The starting point in connecting with anyone is to pause, pray, and say, “God give me the courage to take the first step”. Are you ready to pray for one of your relationships today?
